SEX TOYS ARE PERMITTED IN RELATIONSHIPS (PART2)

INSECURITY 2: A SEX TOY IS A MACHINE THAT PERFORMS MY DUTY, AND I CANNOT COMPETE WITH THAT

This is the crux of the issue raised by the previous commenter. “Pleasing the clitoris with your mouth and hands…” he wrote. It’s strenuous labor, man. It’s hard labor that I’m glad to do, but it’s hard work… The concept of a machine that performs my duties… Not particularly excellent.”

Again, this is about the sensation of being replaced. However, it alluded to the idea of competing with mechanized pleasure — a machine performing the role he believes is his job/duty, rendering his hands/mouth/skills ineffective.

In a nutshell, avoid comparing oneself to a motorized instrument, as the two are quite dissimilar.

I’m going to copy and paste my response to the commenter here:

  • Consider the difference between a pair of legs and a car: Legs cannot be compared to an automobile, despite the fact that both modes of travel perform the same job. A car is a contraption developed by engineers specifically for transportation purposes, providing us with capabilities that are not natural, yet are unquestionably helpful. Simply having a car does not negate the utility of your legs. Your legs are still in desperate need. And your automobile is a tool that is stored in the garage when it is not in use. Once your car is stowed away, you will forget about it. You will not overlook your legs. You can have both legs and a car and, given the choice between losing your legs or your automobile, you’ll always prefer to keep your legs.

Translation:

  • Consider a penis against a vibrator: A penis cannot be compared to a vibrator, despite the fact that both perform the same purpose of pleasure. A vibrator is a contraption built by engineers with the goal of providing humans with capabilities that are not natural, but are unquestionably helpful. Simply because your companion owns a vibrator does not negate the utility of your penis. Your penis is still in great demand. And your vibrator is a piece of equipment that is stored in the bedside drawer when not in use. Once your vibrator is stowed away, you will forget about it. You will not forget your penis. You can have both your penis and a vibrator to maximize your delightful experience, and if given the choice between losing your penis and your vibrator, you’ll always prefer to maintain your penis.

There are numerous machines in this adult sex toy(성인용품) that are capable of performing tasks better than we ever could, but it does not make ourselves or those machines terrible. Cars enable us to travel over land more quickly than our legs, but legs are still pretty damn wonderful. We don’t need to feel bad about the fact that our legs lack the powers of a car – that would be masochistic and meaningless. And no one believes your legs are worthless because you can’t overtake a car. People are rational and reasonable, but when it comes to sex toys, uncertainty about masculinity and sexual performances enter the picture. However, taking a step back and attempting to view things via an analogy simplifies and lessens the threat.

INSECURITY 3: I HATE THAT I AM UNABLE TO ORGANIZE MY PARTNER, BUT THEIR SEX TOY IS

To be quite candid, I can count on ONE HAND the number of times a partner has caused me to orgasm with their bodily parts. A single hand. Not for lack of attempting: my partners have always followed the elusive Ruby Orgasm as if it were some legendary creature, all willing and twitchingly desperate to discover, invent, and attain it all on their own.

Because I am unable to experience a G-spot orgasm, penetrative intercourse alone will never cause me to orgasm. Likewise with oral sex. I still adore it, but it will not induce orgasm in me.

And my clitoris is quite fussy. It requires an extremely precise touch, concentration, movement, and pressure. To make matters worse, the majority of the time when someone touches my vulva with their hands, I am severely triggered by past trauma. It’s an instinctive response in my nervous system, and it doesn’t always occur, but I’m not always up to the effort of fighting off triggers, and therefore I’m not willing to risk it. As a result, I’d prefer to use my own hands.

OR it may be a toy. I am not activated when my companion presses the Magic Wand or the We-Vibe Tango against me. And those things are so potent that my clitoris is powerless to resist responding. Voila! Suddenly, my lover has a reasonable possibility of causing me to orgasm.

To put it simply, having a sex toy allows me to engage in sexual activity with my spouse. Clearly, this is fantastic.

Consider how miserable I would be if I never experienced an orgasm with my spouse. That is, I am not required to imagine… I spent years aboard that boat. It’s not enjoyable. Believe me. If a sex gadget enables me to have orgasms with my partner, then woo! There is a solution! A simple solution for significantly increasing my interest in sexytime with my companion. And no one is to blame for this. That is simply the case.

Is this to say that I am unappreciative of my own partner’s hands/tongue/etc? No! Naturally, I do! I adore them; they are, after all, attached to my lover. Being physically unable of having an orgasm, however, means that a sex toy enriches and satisfies both of our sex lives significantly.

**Many people (particularly those with vaginal organs) struggle to reach an orgasm for a variety of reasons. I can’t help but believe that, rather than suffering everyone involved by attempting something that may never happen physically, a nice sex toy can be an excellent answer for everyone.

**A note on communication and consent: While this is all well and good, please keep in mind that bringing sex toys into your relationship should be discussed beforehand. Never coerce your partner into doing something they are not comfortable with. That will do nothing. Don’t surprise your partner with a sex toy if you haven’t discussed it or if they’re on the fence about it – ensure they’re knowledgeable and as comfortable with the subject as you are.

CONCLUSIVE THOUGHTS

Each insecurity stems from the unsettling conviction that you are not enough. You are insufficiently good, insufficiently large, insufficiently slim, insufficiently anything. Insecurities are difficult to overcome. They have a way of clinging to your confidence and sucking it dry over time. Insecurities, in my experience, are simply that: phantom voices in your head attempting to bring you down, portraying a picture that is far from reality and stopping you from fully enjoying things.

To everyone who is threatened by a sex toy who is reading this:

Your body possesses value. Your physique is incredible.
Sex toys are not human beings. Sex toys do not have feelings. Sexual toys are non-living items. There is no use in comparing.
Sex gadgets have the potential to significantly improve your sex life. Increased orgasms equals increased enjoyment.
I’ll paste a few of the commenter’s final words here (they were awesome).

However, reading an evaluation of something that I regard as a threat is enlightening. It reminds me that sex toys are simply that: sex toys, something that can be professionally evaluated even by their intended users. And it’s wonderful when partners may reach a point where they can play together with toys. Personally, I’ve never had a connection like that, but I’m delighted to know it is possible.

Yes, that is doable. And it’s awesome.