Every now and again, I’m reminded that some people are still uncomfortable with sex toys. They’ve been so ingrained in my life. and have been for such a long period of time that it’s easy to forget how others feel. Because I am quite secretive about my sex toys (and indeed, only a few people are aware of this blog), it is not a topic that comes up much in face-to-face conversations.
However, when it happens, I am reminded of how frightening sex toys can be to some. I’m fairly certain that my mother believes that sex toys are the devil’s spawn. If I showed her the adorable tiny We-Vibe Tango or the Tenga Iroha Mini, she might alter her mind, but we’ll never be at a point in our relationship where I can do that.
I purchased my first vibrator when I was seventeen years old. My then-boyfriend and I entered a beachfront “romance” shop. It was an elegant store, and I had no idea there were sex toys until I made my way to the rear. I spent $30 on a G-spot vibrator. It was a hideous shade of lavender and most emphatically not silicone. However, I adored it. I even gave it a name (Charlie?? ), not because I regarded it as a person, but to serve as a code word for my partner and me. For a time, we enjoyed using it jointly.
I returned about a year later with a girlfriend and purchased two more. Both were harmful, although I was unaware of this at the time. I seldom used them, but I felt strangely empowered after purchasing them. As many 18-year-old girls do, I wished urgently to recover my sexuality. Purchasing sex toys was a method for me to demonstrate to myself that I had control over my body and pleasure.
When I casually informed my then-boyfriend about my new adult sex toy(성인용품), I anticipated his excitement. After all, he had previously enjoyed using my first vibrator with me a year ago.
He was unenthusiastic. He went into a frenzy. One sex toy seems to be acceptable if I used it with him. Two or three, for use in the absence of him? Certainly not. Suddenly, it became an issue.
I’d apparently crossed some invisible line, endangering his masculinity, pride, and I-don’t-know. I recall it vividly – his pained voice, my horror at injuring him, and my bewilderment. He took that to suggest that I had lost faith in him. I did not purchase another sex item throughout that relationship, nor during the subsequent ones.
Rewind several years. I received a remark on my review of the We-Vibe Touch a few months back. I’ll copy and paste it here:
Thus, I’ve always felt somewhat constrained by the existence of vibrators– While it’s admirable that dildos exist, Having an organic penis, I’d argue, places me above the pay grade of even the best dildos! However, a vibrator is a another thing. Using your tongue and hands to appease the clitoris… It’s strenuous labor, man. It’s hard work, which I’m glad to do, but it’s hard labor. It’s critical to my sexual self-esteem, so the prospect of a machine performing my duties… Not particularly impressive.
There is a great deal going on, so I’m going to split it down into portions.
INSECURITY 1: MY PARTNER’S SEX TOYS ACCOMPLISH INSTEAD OF ME
It is a necessary component of my sexual self-esteem, the commentator stated. When I read this message, it brought back vivid memories of my ex-insecurity boyfriend’s towards my vibrators. My partner’s sexual self-esteem had been harmed as a result of my actions. He believed I would rather have a sex toy than him.
As though an object could take the place of a human being.
A sex toy is never a substitute for a human. A dildo is never the same as a penis. Never is a fleshlight a vagina or a buttocks. Individuals who use a Fleshlight or a penis-masturbator are not having intercourse with another individual. They are not deceitful. Similarly, someone who uses a G-spot dildo is not cheating because no other partner is present.
It is a tremendous faux pas in the world of sex toy blogging to directly equate a sex toy to a real person. To put it another way, “who needs a boyfriend when you have this dildo?” Alternatively, “This dildo is the ideal boyfriend.” This is one of the numerous reasons why the majority of sex toy reviews avoid using gender pronouns (he/her) while discussing sex toys. Toy reviewers are well aware of the dangers of speaking in this manner — it feeds the seeds of insecurity that some individuals have that their bodily parts are no longer significant since a mechanical tool is involved.
I understand this insecurity all too well because I experienced snippets of it years ago while browsing realistic Fleshlights with my boyfriend. They’re so lifelike and lovely, I thought. Those labia are immaculate, and it probably feels better than my vagina does due to the canal’s ribbed structure.
Then, when my boyfriend and I reviewed the Fleshlight Tanya Tate, we received a lifelike Fleshlight. And, lo and behold, it was not as if there were three of us. Despite my partner’s thrust into an immaculately sculpted synthetic vagina, I had no sense of another presence or lady in bed with us. A Fleshlight is not a living being.
And, just to be clear, using a dildo does not feel like having a penis from my perspective as a cis-gender woman. Even dual-density toys, which are the closest thing to genuine skin in terms of sensation, do not feel like it. Obviously, I have similar delightful sensations, but I am unable to grab a dildo and feel it as if it were a real penis. To me, a dildo (any silicone dildo) has the feel of an item. It has the texture of a sticky/matte soft plastic. My fingertips are aware of the distinction. This is perfectly OK. Dildos are my favorite. It is neither better nor worse; it is simply different.
Similarly, penis masturbators do not have the sensation of real vagina or buttocks. When my spouse used the Tanya Tate Lotus, which is claimed to replicate the sensation of vaginal sex, he stated that it came nowhere near. That is not to say it did not feel pleasant (it did); rather, it felt different than vaginal sex. A vaginal-sculpted penis masturbator is not self-lubricating, flexing, or squeezing the vaginal canal, and it is not attached to another person.
A sex toy will never be able to replace you. You are a sentient being. You are not an inanimate object. You have genuine skin, not one made of synthetic materials. You have a body, a voice, emotions, a personality, and the ability to laugh. A sex toy, on the other hand, does not.