SEX TOYS ARE PERMITTED IN RELATIONSHIPS (PART2)

INSECURITY 2: A SEX TOY IS A MACHINE THAT PERFORMS MY DUTY, AND I CANNOT COMPETE WITH THAT

This is the crux of the issue raised by the previous commenter. “Pleasing the clitoris with your mouth and hands…” he wrote. It’s strenuous labor, man. It’s hard labor that I’m glad to do, but it’s hard work… The concept of a machine that performs my duties… Not particularly excellent.”

Again, this is about the sensation of being replaced. However, it alluded to the idea of competing with mechanized pleasure — a machine performing the role he believes is his job/duty, rendering his hands/mouth/skills ineffective.

In a nutshell, avoid comparing oneself to a motorized instrument, as the two are quite dissimilar.

I’m going to copy and paste my response to the commenter here:

  • Consider the difference between a pair of legs and a car: Legs cannot be compared to an automobile, despite the fact that both modes of travel perform the same job. A car is a contraption developed by engineers specifically for transportation purposes, providing us with capabilities that are not natural, yet are unquestionably helpful. Simply having a car does not negate the utility of your legs. Your legs are still in desperate need. And your automobile is a tool that is stored in the garage when it is not in use. Once your car is stowed away, you will forget about it. You will not overlook your legs. You can have both legs and a car and, given the choice between losing your legs or your automobile, you’ll always prefer to keep your legs.

Translation:

  • Consider a penis against a vibrator: A penis cannot be compared to a vibrator, despite the fact that both perform the same purpose of pleasure. A vibrator is a contraption built by engineers with the goal of providing humans with capabilities that are not natural, but are unquestionably helpful. Simply because your companion owns a vibrator does not negate the utility of your penis. Your penis is still in great demand. And your vibrator is a piece of equipment that is stored in the bedside drawer when not in use. Once your vibrator is stowed away, you will forget about it. You will not forget your penis. You can have both your penis and a vibrator to maximize your delightful experience, and if given the choice between losing your penis and your vibrator, you’ll always prefer to maintain your penis.

There are numerous machines in this adult sex toy(성인용품) that are capable of performing tasks better than we ever could, but it does not make ourselves or those machines terrible. Cars enable us to travel over land more quickly than our legs, but legs are still pretty damn wonderful. We don’t need to feel bad about the fact that our legs lack the powers of a car – that would be masochistic and meaningless. And no one believes your legs are worthless because you can’t overtake a car. People are rational and reasonable, but when it comes to sex toys, uncertainty about masculinity and sexual performances enter the picture. However, taking a step back and attempting to view things via an analogy simplifies and lessens the threat.

INSECURITY 3: I HATE THAT I AM UNABLE TO ORGANIZE MY PARTNER, BUT THEIR SEX TOY IS

To be quite candid, I can count on ONE HAND the number of times a partner has caused me to orgasm with their bodily parts. A single hand. Not for lack of attempting: my partners have always followed the elusive Ruby Orgasm as if it were some legendary creature, all willing and twitchingly desperate to discover, invent, and attain it all on their own.

Because I am unable to experience a G-spot orgasm, penetrative intercourse alone will never cause me to orgasm. Likewise with oral sex. I still adore it, but it will not induce orgasm in me.

And my clitoris is quite fussy. It requires an extremely precise touch, concentration, movement, and pressure. To make matters worse, the majority of the time when someone touches my vulva with their hands, I am severely triggered by past trauma. It’s an instinctive response in my nervous system, and it doesn’t always occur, but I’m not always up to the effort of fighting off triggers, and therefore I’m not willing to risk it. As a result, I’d prefer to use my own hands.

OR it may be a toy. I am not activated when my companion presses the Magic Wand or the We-Vibe Tango against me. And those things are so potent that my clitoris is powerless to resist responding. Voila! Suddenly, my lover has a reasonable possibility of causing me to orgasm.

To put it simply, having a sex toy allows me to engage in sexual activity with my spouse. Clearly, this is fantastic.

Consider how miserable I would be if I never experienced an orgasm with my spouse. That is, I am not required to imagine… I spent years aboard that boat. It’s not enjoyable. Believe me. If a sex gadget enables me to have orgasms with my partner, then woo! There is a solution! A simple solution for significantly increasing my interest in sexytime with my companion. And no one is to blame for this. That is simply the case.

Is this to say that I am unappreciative of my own partner’s hands/tongue/etc? No! Naturally, I do! I adore them; they are, after all, attached to my lover. Being physically unable of having an orgasm, however, means that a sex toy enriches and satisfies both of our sex lives significantly.

**Many people (particularly those with vaginal organs) struggle to reach an orgasm for a variety of reasons. I can’t help but believe that, rather than suffering everyone involved by attempting something that may never happen physically, a nice sex toy can be an excellent answer for everyone.

**A note on communication and consent: While this is all well and good, please keep in mind that bringing sex toys into your relationship should be discussed beforehand. Never coerce your partner into doing something they are not comfortable with. That will do nothing. Don’t surprise your partner with a sex toy if you haven’t discussed it or if they’re on the fence about it – ensure they’re knowledgeable and as comfortable with the subject as you are.

CONCLUSIVE THOUGHTS

Each insecurity stems from the unsettling conviction that you are not enough. You are insufficiently good, insufficiently large, insufficiently slim, insufficiently anything. Insecurities are difficult to overcome. They have a way of clinging to your confidence and sucking it dry over time. Insecurities, in my experience, are simply that: phantom voices in your head attempting to bring you down, portraying a picture that is far from reality and stopping you from fully enjoying things.

To everyone who is threatened by a sex toy who is reading this:

Your body possesses value. Your physique is incredible.
Sex toys are not human beings. Sex toys do not have feelings. Sexual toys are non-living items. There is no use in comparing.
Sex gadgets have the potential to significantly improve your sex life. Increased orgasms equals increased enjoyment.
I’ll paste a few of the commenter’s final words here (they were awesome).

However, reading an evaluation of something that I regard as a threat is enlightening. It reminds me that sex toys are simply that: sex toys, something that can be professionally evaluated even by their intended users. And it’s wonderful when partners may reach a point where they can play together with toys. Personally, I’ve never had a connection like that, but I’m delighted to know it is possible.

Yes, that is doable. And it’s awesome.

SEX TOYS ARE PERMITTED IN RELATIONSHIPS (PART1)

Every now and again, I’m reminded that some people are still uncomfortable with sex toys. They’ve been so ingrained in my life. and have been for such a long period of time that it’s easy to forget how others feel. Because I am quite secretive about my sex toys (and indeed, only a few people are aware of this blog), it is not a topic that comes up much in face-to-face conversations.

However, when it happens, I am reminded of how frightening sex toys can be to some. I’m fairly certain that my mother believes that sex toys are the devil’s spawn. If I showed her the adorable tiny We-Vibe Tango or the Tenga Iroha Mini, she might alter her mind, but we’ll never be at a point in our relationship where I can do that.

I purchased my first vibrator when I was seventeen years old. My then-boyfriend and I entered a beachfront “romance” shop. It was an elegant store, and I had no idea there were sex toys until I made my way to the rear. I spent $30 on a G-spot vibrator. It was a hideous shade of lavender and most emphatically not silicone. However, I adored it. I even gave it a name (Charlie?? ), not because I regarded it as a person, but to serve as a code word for my partner and me. For a time, we enjoyed using it jointly.

I returned about a year later with a girlfriend and purchased two more. Both were harmful, although I was unaware of this at the time. I seldom used them, but I felt strangely empowered after purchasing them. As many 18-year-old girls do, I wished urgently to recover my sexuality. Purchasing sex toys was a method for me to demonstrate to myself that I had control over my body and pleasure.

When I casually informed my then-boyfriend about my new adult sex toy(성인용품), I anticipated his excitement. After all, he had previously enjoyed using my first vibrator with me a year ago.

He was unenthusiastic. He went into a frenzy. One sex toy seems to be acceptable if I used it with him. Two or three, for use in the absence of him? Certainly not. Suddenly, it became an issue.

I’d apparently crossed some invisible line, endangering his masculinity, pride, and I-don’t-know. I recall it vividly – his pained voice, my horror at injuring him, and my bewilderment. He took that to suggest that I had lost faith in him. I did not purchase another sex item throughout that relationship, nor during the subsequent ones.

Rewind several years. I received a remark on my review of the We-Vibe Touch a few months back. I’ll copy and paste it here:

Thus, I’ve always felt somewhat constrained by the existence of vibrators– While it’s admirable that dildos exist, Having an organic penis, I’d argue, places me above the pay grade of even the best dildos! However, a vibrator is a another thing. Using your tongue and hands to appease the clitoris… It’s strenuous labor, man. It’s hard work, which I’m glad to do, but it’s hard labor. It’s critical to my sexual self-esteem, so the prospect of a machine performing my duties… Not particularly impressive.

There is a great deal going on, so I’m going to split it down into portions.

INSECURITY 1: MY PARTNER’S SEX TOYS ACCOMPLISH INSTEAD OF ME

It is a necessary component of my sexual self-esteem, the commentator stated. When I read this message, it brought back vivid memories of my ex-insecurity boyfriend’s towards my vibrators. My partner’s sexual self-esteem had been harmed as a result of my actions. He believed I would rather have a sex toy than him.

As though an object could take the place of a human being.

A sex toy is never a substitute for a human. A dildo is never the same as a penis. Never is a fleshlight a vagina or a buttocks. Individuals who use a Fleshlight or a penis-masturbator are not having intercourse with another individual. They are not deceitful. Similarly, someone who uses a G-spot dildo is not cheating because no other partner is present.

It is a tremendous faux pas in the world of sex toy blogging to directly equate a sex toy to a real person. To put it another way, “who needs a boyfriend when you have this dildo?” Alternatively, “This dildo is the ideal boyfriend.” This is one of the numerous reasons why the majority of sex toy reviews avoid using gender pronouns (he/her) while discussing sex toys. Toy reviewers are well aware of the dangers of speaking in this manner — it feeds the seeds of insecurity that some individuals have that their bodily parts are no longer significant since a mechanical tool is involved.

I understand this insecurity all too well because I experienced snippets of it years ago while browsing realistic Fleshlights with my boyfriend. They’re so lifelike and lovely, I thought. Those labia are immaculate, and it probably feels better than my vagina does due to the canal’s ribbed structure.

Then, when my boyfriend and I reviewed the Fleshlight Tanya Tate, we received a lifelike Fleshlight. And, lo and behold, it was not as if there were three of us. Despite my partner’s thrust into an immaculately sculpted synthetic vagina, I had no sense of another presence or lady in bed with us. A Fleshlight is not a living being.

And, just to be clear, using a dildo does not feel like having a penis from my perspective as a cis-gender woman. Even dual-density toys, which are the closest thing to genuine skin in terms of sensation, do not feel like it. Obviously, I have similar delightful sensations, but I am unable to grab a dildo and feel it as if it were a real penis. To me, a dildo (any silicone dildo) has the feel of an item. It has the texture of a sticky/matte soft plastic. My fingertips are aware of the distinction. This is perfectly OK. Dildos are my favorite. It is neither better nor worse; it is simply different.

Similarly, penis masturbators do not have the sensation of real vagina or buttocks. When my spouse used the Tanya Tate Lotus, which is claimed to replicate the sensation of vaginal sex, he stated that it came nowhere near. That is not to say it did not feel pleasant (it did); rather, it felt different than vaginal sex. A vaginal-sculpted penis masturbator is not self-lubricating, flexing, or squeezing the vaginal canal, and it is not attached to another person.

A sex toy will never be able to replace you. You are a sentient being. You are not an inanimate object. You have genuine skin, not one made of synthetic materials. You have a body, a voice, emotions, a personality, and the ability to laugh. A sex toy, on the other hand, does not.